i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
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