Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
Randomize
