wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
well, you know. whores of a feather.
Randomize
