the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
Randomize