I'm lost and stupid without you.
Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
Randomize
