if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
Randomize
