you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
Randomize
