Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
Randomize
