one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
