The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
Randomize
