and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
