I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
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