I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
Randomize
