vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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