I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
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