Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
Randomize
