i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
Randomize