Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
Randomize
