I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
Randomize
