Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
Randomize
