wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
