i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
You peed on a flamingo?!?
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