At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
That's when you crack a 10am beer
Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
Randomize
