I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
Randomize
