Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
Randomize
