Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Randomize
