What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
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