Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
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