i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
Randomize
