saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
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