Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
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