I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
Randomize
