You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
You should frame my arrest warrant.
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
Randomize
