My liver just broke up with me...
So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
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