She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
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