she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Randomize
