o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
Randomize
