My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
Randomize
