i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
How external is "for external use only"?
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
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