Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
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