My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
Randomize
