dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
Randomize
