Sorry, I don't speak sober.
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
Randomize
