why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
If I had your ass I would rule the world
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
