just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.�
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
Randomize
