im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
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