remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
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