It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
This house was built for laser tag.
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
Randomize
