MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
My butt remains clenched, sir.
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
Randomize
