She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
Princesses don't give blow jobs
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
Randomize