Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
My vagina just recognized that song.
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
Randomize
