Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
Randomize
