are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
