mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
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