I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
Randomize
