...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
Randomize
