I molested 6 butterflies tonight
Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Randomize
