I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
Randomize
