Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
Randomize
