the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
Randomize
