the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
Randomize
