I hate your face
Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
My vagina is officially offended.
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
Randomize
