how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
Randomize
