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You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
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